Labels Suck

You ever defined yourself by your characteristics? I sure have. Maybe when someone asks you why you believe in yourself or why you love yourself, you start to think about what you’re good at and what you suck at. For me, I try to force myself to think of which things prove that I’m a good person. “Well, I’m smart. I always strive to be a good friend. I never give up on changing to become something better.” But then all the stupid rebuttals come in and often overwhelm my attempts at self-positivity and belief. “Well, you’re not that smart. You forget things a lot and sometimes can’t keep up with the things your friends talk about. You aren’t that good a friend since you aren’t always nice and don’t spend your time thinking about them and what’s going on in their life. And you may try, but you never really change the things you want to change.”

Hmm. Well this system isn’t working is it? Growing up, I was given the label of “the smart one” in reference to my sibling hierarchy. Well, I wanted to be confident, suave with girls, and athletic, but by golly, those are my brother’s attributes not mine. And then what do I have when my brother comes to college and gets impeccable grades, higher than mine? I have nothing. 

Labels can be stupid. Sure, they have their place. I find value in knowing that I’m a human of this earth, a child of God, a Wood family member, a caring boyfriend, and an intimate friend. However, when everything in my life starts becoming a label, it just emotionally kills me. When I’m killing it with sports, I’m “athletic;” but when I have a bad day in the field, I’m “unathletic.” When I get higher grades than the majority of my fellow students, I’m “smart,” but when I feel lost while trying to understand a new concept, I’m “stupid.” 

I’ve spent the last few years trying to determine how much of an extrovert I am. Do I fit the label of ”extroverted?” Desperately, I want to because I view extroversion as a superpower I must yield. But I get all beat up when I have social anxiety or find myself isolating from people. I see this same struggle with many labels I desire to have. Am I “smart?” Am I “athletic?”  Am I “kind?” Am I “diligent?”

I want you to be in touch with your strengths. I want you to know what skills are important to you. I want you to recognize the strengths that others have. But stop defining yourself by something that changes or has no greater significance. Maybe you aren’t that physically strong, or maybe you can build things with your hands that no else can. But that isn’t what gives you worth. Find a more lasting source of worth: a relationship with a higher power, a kinship with the humans of the earth, or a deep love of yourself not based on any skill or strength. I promise that when you find a source of worth that can’t be trampled by circumstance or by other people, you will then be much more confident in recognizing your strengths and skills. You will even be better at finding peace in the areas that you lack.

I’m still working on this same thing myself. But let’s realize what’s important instead of giving too much power to the labels that the world wants to give us. I love you. You have great worth. You are my brother or my sister. God loves you. Don’t forget it.

image from vecteezy.com